A Cup of Coffee

Yesterday, I got some things off my chest. Usually it doesn’t make my feel so shitty when I think about it. But it’s something that will always be in the back of my mind.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s just me. Of course it’ll be easier to blame it on something or someone other than yourself but I hate putting myself down. I know who I am. There’s parts of me that I don’t even like buy I try to make it better.

You know it’s hard to come across people who will always be in my life other than my family. But it’s hard when I know I’m trying and I don’t feel like it isn’t making any change.

Yeah, I use to feel different, lonely, sad, blame the world, and felt like I was a waste of life but I realized that truly I think I’m a great person. Sure I have faults I can name it out in a list for you and it’s probably more than the good things about me but deep down I do try to be good.

I think the worse thing you can do to yourself is to compare yourself to others. The things we don’t have are the things we tend to focus on the most. I look at the things that I have and it reminds me that I’m blessed. I have things that some people don’t but somewhere inside of me I still feel like it isn’t enough. I want more. I want what other people have too. I’m human afterall.

I cried yesterday because I was sorry for myself for even feeling bad about who I am. I didn’t like who I was before but I do like myself now. Now that I realized that there’s nothing wrong with me other than a few minor details that make me human.

I cried because I felt lonely, I felt like I didn’t have people who care about me, I felt like trying would never get me anywhere, and I felt like no one likes me. Which is the most stupidest thing ever to feel right? No. I don’t think it is at all. Yeah I have family and my loving and caring boyfriend. But truly thats probably it.

I never really fitted it. I couldn’t relate. My family life is a little different. They all say they care but I know that they don’t. They all say they are helpful and here to listen but they wouldn help me. Do they realized that helping me would mean just keeping me company here and there or do I have to be nearly dying for help?

People love to talk about themselves but listening…really listening is neary 70 percent of how conversations work. It means more than talking. Sometimes I feel like people won’t take the time to just talk to me. When will they ask me how my day was? Or if I feel the same way? Or my opinions on a topic? I know everyone has problems and I know mine are probably nothing compared to others. But that doesn’t mean I have problems too.

All I want is someone I can call up to have a cup of coffee at any time of the day. I think it’ll teach you a lot about people. It’ll teach you if they care about you. They come not for the coffee or the place or the time. But they come for your company and they actually would want to know how your day went so far.

Sometimes, it’s all I want.


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"The trouble is, you think you have enough time."

- Buddha (via here-soon-please)

"Alice: How long is forever?
White Rabbit: Sometimes, just one second.

- Lewis Carrol  (via naomilku)